There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
