Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
