my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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