i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
