Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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