Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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