I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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