Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
