Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
