a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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