Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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