There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
try to milk me bitch
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