Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
