But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is wine microwaveable?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
