Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
