yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
