Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
