we have pet lesbian snakes
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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