The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
