dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
