So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
