ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
