wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
