and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
