Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
