I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
