And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
