Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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