Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
