literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
