My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he shaved USA in his pubs
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
