ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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