just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
