We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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