Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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