He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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