I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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