I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
