I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
