The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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