apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
