The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
