I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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