I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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