I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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