Buhtt sex?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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