I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
