Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Found your dick twin last night
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
