Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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