She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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