i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
