Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
