whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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