I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
