omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
