I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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