Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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