He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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