she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How does it feel to date your dad?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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