I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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