u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
