I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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