So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
