So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
