I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
