do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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