I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
