I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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