you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
