I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
