I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
