FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
