covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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