tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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