he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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