ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
