Your face is a jimmy john
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
