I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
